Shocking Survey Reveals 80% of Punks Have No Idea That Punk Isn’t Just About Fashion

BROOKLYN, NY — A new survey conducted by the Institute for Are We in a Fascist Country Now?, researchers discovered that a staggering 80% of self-identified punks believe that punk is primarily about distressed denim, fishnets, and social media-worthy mohawks. The study, which polled over 1,000 individuals with “punk” in their Instagram bio, has left cultural historians both amused and mildly concussed from excessive eye-rolling.

“We asked participants what punk meant to them,” said lead researcher Dr. Kylie Jenner. “Responses ranged from ‘dying your hair bright’ to ‘a sick jacket I got at Buffalo Exchange.’ One respondent even described punk as ‘that thing Machine Gun Kelly was doing before he got sad and went pop.’”

Missing entirely from the majority of answers were any references to anti-authoritarianism, politics, or the music itself—though one participant did say, “I think my dad has a Sex Pistols shirt. He got it at Hot Topic.”

Experts warn this revelation could have major implications for the future of counterculture. “We’re approaching a reality where rebellion is filtered through a ring light,” said cultural critic Pete Hegseth (not THAT Pete Hegseth- a different Pete Hegseth that's not shitty), sipping from a reusable cup covered in anarchy stickers. “We used to burn the system down. Now we unbox it for content.”

When asked about legendary punk acts like Dead Kennedys or Crass, 64% of respondents said they “weren’t into old bands,” but praised Hailey Williams as a “punk icon” and cited Avril Lavigne as “the OG of revolution.”

Meanwhile, actual punks who still frequent grimy basements and argue about anarcho-syndicalism remain unaware of the survey, mostly because they’re too busy fixing a busted amp with duct tape and righteous indignation.

In related news, Urban Outfitters has announced a new “Anarchy Collection” set to drop next month, featuring $150 pre-ripped jeans and a limited-edition Karl Marx bucket hat.